so my aunt jus went to go to work. and im stuck here again ;[ o well haha. ima blog, go on myspace, cook that chocolate rice thing i saw her in pantry :P then maybe go watch lilo and stitch :]
when i was younger, i always had trouble pronouncing things. even til now, i suck at speaking.
when i would see a scary commercial for a movie or something at night, i switch to tha disney channel lol.
i depend on people to much, cause i can never do anything by myself.
i ALWAYS need a little push to go do/say something.
im so scared that my whole family will find my tumblr. cause ive put some stuff in here that i kno i shouldnt have.
im learning to control my ocd. but honestly, i dont want too.
im deathly scared of pitch black darkness.. no joke. dont ever be in tha same room wit me if that happens, because i swear, i will scream soo loud.
ive smoked cigarettes for a year now, but im not obsessed wit them.
me drinking, and smoking, i blame my parents. my mom was a smoker for 20 years and my dad was an alcohlic for almost his whole life.
i jus recently found out about that too ^
i obsessively lie to my parents ALOT. and im not proud of it.
i wish my parents werent such hypocrites.
i feel like i have no one. everytime i need someone there to talk, they are never there for me, yet im always there for them.
i leave my phone on loud for a reason at night; cause if something bad happened to one of my friends, i would want to be awake for it.
when i was seven my uncle, already passed, hit me. and tha only one that knos about that is my brother.
am i really that innocent looking? cause ive done some non innocent things in my life..
this is gona sound crazy, but i want to break a bone. tha result of that? i almost broke my wrist.
i love god, but i think hes mad at me.
i hate tha people i go to school wit..
im scared that if i run away from home, but i want to come bac, i’ll look like a coward infront of my brother and my mom.
yeah, im scared of my brother.
i honestly dont think im a good person to hang around wit. but tha people that are STILL wit me, they kno what im capable of, yet they still deal wit me <3
right when people start to get close to me, i purposely push them away.
automatically, when something wrong happens, i think of death.
im not sure if i want to be around this place anymore.
yeaah , i push people away too when we get too close because I’m so scared that after that they might just leave me and I’m not good with losing people . I only have a few people that I can really count on .
(2 years ago)